Must say, things are looking up these days.
I am typing this right now with about three hours of sleep and having only a ham and cheese croissant for today. Yes, am emphasizing the return of my maladjusted body clock and my hunger just because mother tipped me off a few days ago that someone genuinely believes I’m depressed — with the oversleeping and the overeating situation of the last few weeks.
Clearly said someone has been schooled in everything but PMS.
Either way, looked for clinical depression symptoms online despite incessant warnings from my endearing professors not to believe anything the internet says. Found out it deals with extremities — either under or overdoing normal things like, say, sleeping.
Science, however, has apparently proven that such symptoms are normal — ain’t life grand — but one should be alarmed when said symptoms take in the character of what experts deem as “prolonged”.
Meh, too unstable to be depressed all the time.
Either way, survived midterms week without the desire to kick myself for wasting so much time (and money) drinking and indulging in fastfood during the post-drunken state instead of actually arriving in class with enough/some dignity.
Haven’t been sleeping because these days, I’m either studying, or planning on studying. I could tell how busy the weekend’s going to be as early as Tuesday. Clairvoyance? Gah.
So far, I spent all weekends of 2013 at home either writing or reading or just avoiding human interaction and all its ambiguities altogether. Literally told someone — another someone — I can’t go out because I was planning on locking myself up in my room. Smooth moves brought to you by me, oozing with sex appeal since ’94. Not.
Anyway same person confronted me about it the other day and I guess being more.. err, what’s the word .. accomodating of gestures would do me some good. Months ago if same person was doing the exact same things I would’ve squealed like a dying dolphin.
Anyway, the ignoring thing worked perfectly well with my newly-acquired study habits, though. Was shocked this morning when I walked into first period and on the board, front and center, was Lim’s legendary Ms. Universe-esque midterm essay question.
Didn’t hurl as I expected to. Cig drags after a gruesome hour could be accurately described as celebratory puffs of relief and newfound self-confidence than staccato-depressed exhales. After that was Picart, the only person who can make four simple questions equate with going on a field trip to the seventh cicle of hell. Somehow, surprised self by surviving that too – thank you, sudden impulse to read supplementary readings just because the first page was quite engrossing – and so came out with battle scars to show for it but last time I checked, am still alive.
And now I’m home finally reading Dostoyevsky for pleasure. Fine, it’s also required but I’m trying to forget about that.
Also. Watching the UP screening of Ang Nawawala tomorrow with one of my best friends from way back. Yay am a hermit no more — am now a hipster hermit.
And, the best part: I have been writing again and loving every dirty bit of it, as you can see from the subsequent blog posting/abuse of school wifi.
What I actually meant was am writing words on paper again, would you look at that. Trees sacrificed themselves for my worthy cause.
I don’t know where this sudden appreciation for maturity came from but I guess I need it now, more than ever. Got to get them good grades so I can qualify for Master’s prog. Which reminds me, I actually have to send in resume and portfolio and do well on the interview first to actually be able to pay for grad school tuition. Note to self: figure out how to open a bank account without asking mommy to do it for me.
This blog is so reeking of teenage angst.
I feel like I’m too old for the youthful cute-but-improbable idealism yet too young to actually feel secure despite everything I have been through. I guess I’m now a “young adult” but said label reminds me so much of Fully Booked’s section on Twilight and The A-List novels.. so, no.
baka naman gutom lang lahat ng ‘to.